Friday, July 29, 2016

When You've Gotta Go . . .

I don't make it a habit to discuss my bathroom visits but on a recent vacation, I ended up in the men's restroom not once but twice.  Now, in case you aren't aware, I'm a female married to a man and we have one child.  My normal bathroom usage is the ladies' restroom.  So how does one end up in the men's restroom not once but twice?  Well, there's always a story to that.

Let me take you on a five hour ride with two kids in the back seat about one hour in when you hear those words every parent dreads, "I need to go to the bathroom."  Of course, we aren't scheduled for a stop and, sad to say, we are in an area we don't hit regularly so we have no idea where to find a bathroom.  Google Maps on the smart phone to the rescue and 15 minutes later, we find a store and immediately look for the bathroom.  By this time, I have to go, too.  That coffee went through quick and the stress of locating a restroom shrunk my bladder even more.  Once in the store, we do a COMPLETE walk around looking for the bathroom.  We can't find it so then we look for an associate and get the instructions.  It's through a secret, unmarked doorway that the pharmacist has to unlock to gain access.  Once behind this door, realization hits - there is a single toilet ladies room and a single toilet men's room.  Both are vacant.  I, being the adult in this situation, allow the other girls (2 of them, one mine, one a family friend) priority access even though my animal instinct is to shove them out of the way with a quick, "Suck it up cupcakes," as I go in and lock the door.  The first one goes in.  I stand, I wait.  I look at the men's room.  I look at girl number two. She looks at me.  I look at the men's room again.  I ask her if she really needs to go.  She says no.  I ask her if she wants to use the men's room and I will stand guard. She says no.  Then, it happens.  I can't hold it anymore and I got into the filthy men's room, lock the door and pee for a good solid two minutes.  There's a knock on the door.  It's not the girls.  It's a man.  Damn it!  I tell him in my normal voice, "I'll be right out."  I open the door and there's a rather burly man there.  My head hangs low, "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to keep you waiting.  I had to go so bad."  He says, "No problem," and heads into the bathroom.  The girls see this interaction but make no comments.  It has never been spoken amongst us since.

A day or two later, we are at a park still on vacation.  It's warm and humid and we are walking around the place, checking out the nature trails.  We circle back to the water and the girls go swimming.  The Dads stick around the beach to watch the girls and I go with the other Mom to check out the gift shop. 

Sidebar: I've been to this place on vacation once a year for at least 10 years and have not once hit this gift shop.  So I have no knowledge of what I am walking into nor am I a shopping fiend.

We go in, buy some items and look around the visitor center.  There's some relics and photos from when the place was a functioning furnace.  While looking at these cool items, my eyes start to burn - the sun block and sweat have gotten into my eyes and I can't see anything.  I need to go to a bathroom and wash off my face.  I make out a blurry sign that says restrooms and head in and take a right.  I open the door to the bathroom and notice a urinal.  I think, "How nice, a family restroom," and head on in to the sink.  When I wash my face off and head back out, I notice the other Mom is no longer there.  I go back to looking at the history of the place we are visiting, thinking maybe she went back to the gift shop when she comes over to me.  She asks where I went because she went to the bathroom and I wasn't there.  I told her I went to the bathroom and walked her over to the bathroom I used.  The sign next to the door does not say family restroom.  It says men's room.

I have to fess up and tell other Mom about the bathroom incident from a few days before.  She laughs, I laugh.  How embarrassing!  Thankfully, no one was in the men's room when I walked in there and no one came in while I was in there and, fortunately, I haven't had any additional restroom errors since this vacation.