How to thwart a break-in if you are home

If you haven't picked up on this yet, I have a smartcastic type of humor. So, I was thinking today about how to hold off an attacker or robber that comes into the house (I don’t know why, I’m just weird like that).

My thoughts turned into things to say if someone breaks in:
1 – Well, it’s about damn time you got here, this laundry and vacuuming isn’t going to do itself!
2 – Really? You broke my door! What’s up with that? I mean, sure, steal whatever but breaking my door is too much. Do you have cash on you because I sure as hell don’t have money to pay for that!
3 – Dude, you got the wrong house! Didn’t Louie give you the address? Oh, you don’t know Louie? Well, that explains it. See, you were supposed to go down Rehoboth Blvd, turn towards Abbotts – oh, have you been there? They have the most amazing mac & cheese – anyway, yea, go down about two or three blocks and check out the building on the left – that is the place you want – they have the best stuff there (note: provide directions to your local police station).
4 – Oh, hey, my phone is on the charger, can I use yours? I need to make a really important call. It’s private though, so I need you to step back outside. Do you have unlimited text? Just kidding, I’ll only be on for a few minutes. Thanks.
5 – Where’s the freakin’ pizza? Oh, you aren’t the pizza guy? Well, I expect him to be here any minute now. Can you leave – he gets mad when I order from competitors. Broke my door last week!


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