I have seen a few suggestions this season about what to
do if your elf doesn't move. While most
of them are quite the charm with simple rationale, a few have taken a whole
other turn. A turn that just seems like
the parent has given up such as a doctor's note stating the elf can't move for
three days because he is sick or the elf can't move for two weeks due to a
broken leg.
Now, I don't consider myself and elf on the shelf guru,
especially when you consider that I never went down this tangled path of lies
and deceit that may lead to paranoia about what is real and what is not but I do believe these are simply ways for the
adult in the household to still do the cool thing but with as little effort as
possible. Then it hit me - three days,
two weeks? LAME. I know we can come up with better ideas than
that! So tonight I will share with you my
starter list of Elf on the Shelf suggestions for parents who have simply given
up. Please
note, these ideas may cause way, way more harm than just moving the elf like
you are supposed to do so proceed with caution.
I take no responsibility/ownership/ liability/other legal terminology
here for any results of these ideas
1.
Send a note from Santa that says the following,
"Dear (insert kid's name here), We have had a huge increase in demand for
toys this year due to the number of good boys and girls around the world. While this is great news, it comes with
consequences. (insert elf's name here)
will not be able to hang out at your house this season because (she or he) will
be helping me to prepare for Christmas.
Rest assured, however, that I have provided your [ lazy] parent with
instructions on how to report your behaviors to me. Keep up the good work and gifts aplenty will
be arriving for Christmas morning. With
love, Santa [Jolly St. Nick, Kris Kringle, whatever y'all call him in your part
of the world]"
2.
This one is really fun - send a note from The
Grinch stating that (elf's name) has been kidnapped! The only way to have him or her return is to
complete the following tasks without complaint! (Clean room, do laundry, wrap
gifts, make dinner, vacuum, walk the dog, take out the trash - whatever
extensive list of chores you need done that will take a while). Once the kid stops crying, this should play
right into your hands.
3.
Choose
the least-favored, furthest distance in mileage relative you don't care for
that is visiting for Thanksgiving and tell your kids that you saw (relative's
name) pack (elf's name) in his/her bag before leaving Thanksgiving
weekend. She/he won't be back until next
Thanksgiving but that won't matter because (I think) the magic will be gone and
(elf's name) won't be able to fly home. The
benefit is that, while this will tragically effect your child, at least you
won't have to have any more contact with that one relative you can't tolerate
and the whole elf thing is behind us.
4.
The elf was stealing your credit card information
and making fraudulent charges on your cards.
You only found out because she or he neglected to change the email
address on one of the orders and it hit your inbox. We don't even know who this elf is
anymore! Santa has offered (elf name)
counseling but it isn't likely he or she will be invited back next year.
5.
The dog ate the elf (little bits of elf all
around the room at your discretion).
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